Instant Happiness
This is the quickest and most reliable exercise I know of to shift into a positive mind state.
On a scale of 1-10 note how happy you feel with 1 being absolutely horrifically miserable and 10 being wonderfully content.
- Find a partner and take turns asking each other the questions below.
- One person picks a question and asks the other person to answer it.
- Decide who will answer and ask first.
- When you’re answering a question spend at least 1 minute answering it. Do you best to relive the whatever it is that’s being asked of you in the moment as vividly as you can.
- If nothing comes up after a while when you’re asked a question, just ask them to pick another question.
- When you are asking a question just listen to the other person’s answer. Don’t distract them with your thoughts on the subject. Make sure you understand them.
- Keep a roughly equitable balance between you and your partner in terms of how much time you spend on your answers.
After 10 minutes note how happy you feel again on a scale of 1-10. How did it change?
If you can’t find a partner, you can try it as a journaling exercise although it’s usually not quite as effective this way.
- Tell me that last time you felt truly inspired.
- What brings you a sense of gratitude?
- What do you enjoy doing?
- Tell me about a time you felt a sense of awe?
- What gets you excited?
- What do you love?
- What do you do that inspires a sense of love?
- What gives you hope?
- What do you find interesting?
- What are you most proud of?
- What gives you a sense of serenity?
- Tell me about something you do well
- What inspires you?
- Tell me about a time someone helped you.
- Tell me a way you’ve helped someone.
- What’s a quality you appreciate in someone else?
- What makes you come alive?
- What do you do just for fun?
- What is relaxing for you?
- Tell me about a time you felt a sense of wonder.
- Tell me about a time you experienced tremendous growth.
Why does it work?
Human beings have a negativity bias. It’s easy for our nervous systems to slip into protect mode which doesn’t do happiness. Its job is survival. This has an evolutionary advantage because it keeps us from making the same mistake twice.
But staying in protect mode deteriorates our quality of life. It promotes the production of stress hormones like cortisol that gradually erode our ability to think properly, feel good, and for our body’s systems (i.e. digestive, circulatory, lungs) to function properly.
As neuropsychologist Rick Hanson said, “Our brains are like teflon for the positive and velcro for the negative.”
Shifting into positive emotional states engages our nervous system’s connect mode which enables feel good hormones such as oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins to be produced. This makes us happy.
Our nervous system’s connect mode has important survival advantages as well. When we’re in connect we’re more able to make plans, take a broader view of the situation, act from a moral compass for the benefit of the group instead of covering our own asses, and our bodily system regulate in a way that’s more sustainable over the long term.
Protect mode is designed for short bursts. Connect mode is designed for the long haul. Over the last several years having students ask these questions of each other has been one of the most reliable ways to shift the mood of the class. I’ve personally taken them on as a regular practice.
If we’re interested in increased happiness we need to treat it like any other endeavor. We need to exercise the connect part of our nervous system so it becomes less teflon-like and more velcro-like.
The Embody Your Strengths program helps you find out what makes you happy and then helps you identify and do practices that bring about long term wellbeing.